I feel like I should elaborate more on my gripes with the online dating world. One thing that has come to annoy me more than Richard Simmons' voice is the body type category. For the site that I use, there are six choices: "Thin, Athletic, Average, A Few Extra Pounds, Big & Tall/BBW, and Prefer Not to Say." You would think any human being, college educated or not, could look down at their body and determine what category they actually are. This is not so. Generally, the liars are fat people, as I have found out. I know, you are sitting there asking me, "well can't you just look at their pictures and see their size?" No, these fucking scale-toppers that lie go ahead and select pictures as to not clearly display their body. You know, baggy clothes, weird angles, or face shots with no pictures of their lard. That's an annoying issue for another day though.
So I figure I should break down the categories for you lying jumbo-assed individuals out there. Oh sorry is that mean? You have a thyroid problem? No, you have a failure-to-put-down-the-chicken-wing-tub-ass-problem. Anyway, before this pot boils over here we go:
Thin: This is for anorexics and people under their healthy weight categories. Here is a good chart to follow, in case you weren't sure if 200lbs at 5'2 is fat or not.
Athletic: Lets clear something up with this one. If you played sports in high school 5 years ago and you haven't seen a gym or athletic field since...I can with certainty exclaim that you are NOT athletic. You're most likely fat, unless you got blessed with a ridiculous metabolism. Generally, if you are not running, playing sports, or at the gym daily you shouldn't put yourself in this category.
Average: I am going to go out on a whim, and say this is the most used, and therefore most overused, choice on the site. Average is for those who are not fat. Its that simple. If you go to make a quick movement and your arm jiggles uncontrollably for the next week...you are not average. You may be an average American, but you are above average in weight, fat...which will be taken care of in the next two.
A Few Extra Pounds: Hey there fatty, this category is for you. Look on the bright side, you are not severely overweight, just obese. However, you are not the biggest ass on the market. If you can walk from room to room without getting winded but feel tired you belong here. Or you can shower all of your body, but have to lift rolls to get into the cracks you belong here.
Big & Tall/BBW: This one might confuse you really large girls out there. You see "Big & Tall" so you go with the previous choice of "A Few Extra Pounds". No, no tubbo, you belong right here. The big & tall just refers to men who are extremely tall or extremely fat. You fat women, get your own category of "BBW". Well, what does that mean? It stands for Big Beautiful Woman. I've never really understood that though. When you are that big I think you've lost the right to be called beautiful, but I suppose I am not the law maker. Hey, you've got your own category of porn though. If you don't believe me go google BBW, yikes. Anyway, one simple way to figure out if you are in this category is go try to buy a plane ticket. If they tell you you have to buy two tickets because your blubber will invade on someone else's comfort, you should select this choice.
Prefer Not to Say: You're fat and don't want people to know.
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